Dunnoe whether my parents are going back malaysia tomolo.. og going out.. mugging also good.. but i can't go out of singapore though.. nvr apply for permit.. ha

Pool-ed today.. need more.. much more.. watever, still can't beat ren cong, drew 4-4 today in games.. arrgh.. More practice should do it. Yeah.

But then, only one week left, real bad.. can't imagine.. really still got loads to get done.. oh shit, forgot about gp compo.. wth. And yes, you guessed it, still haven't touched bio yet.. really don't want to give up leh.. and maths, need to practise practise practise.. Yes.. Always the problem huh.. no time.. not enuff time.. will it ever change? prob never, our whole life's a race.. damn

hmm, got a sudden craving to watch a horror movie.. dunnoe why, considering i dislike these stuff.. yeah.

Was a disaster.. but sort of expected lah.. got beaten 30-6, nightmare rugby score, and played only for a short time.. we were so suck they stopped play.. got a long long way to go.. i scored 4 of the 6 tho =) Like wow... played on after that on our own.. then went play soccer with mr magendiran, the ri deputy headmaster, and some new vietnamese scholars.. quite cool.. missed soccering on the astro alot.. arrgh, couldn't get my 'o' level cert tho.. like all the ppl in the office weren't around.. Arrgh, will have to make another trip down to get it..

Spent the whole day outside today.. bad.. din get any mugging done.. another day gone.. the days are getting lesser.. help me

Having a match with the j2s later.. hope it won't be a thrashing.. i've got a personal point to prove there.. esp with both ex-coaches there.. more of the sec4 one though.. yeah.. gotta go now all the freaking way to rj to collect printed pe shirts for the game later... quite crap.. all the way there leh.. i'll see if i can squeeze some mugging into lunch.. yeah. wish us luck..

Just realised all nice houses are 99 year leaseholds.. bad.. sad.. which includes my place.. sigh.. hope i'll live till then.. haha

Yeah, let this be a new beginning for me.. forget the past, look to the future..

Eason Chan's Shi Nian is a beautiful song.. touching, go listen...

Hmm, should go send my two friends off to MIT tomolo.. but it's so freaking early in the morning like before 6am.. wtf.. so doubt i will wake up at that time.. sorry ppl.. have fun there.. Of course they'll enjoy themselves, no common tests to worry about.. jealous.. why aren't i smarter.. hmm something to think about..

It's amazing how much you can try to study something and get distracted so much u learn nothing ultimately.. that's happening like everyday for me.. real screwed..

Apologises for the outburst yesterday.. totally uncalled for really.. but was reaching breaking point i suspect.. from the stress.. After a deep breath, got it sorted out.. I'm still me.. Haha, won't die.. not so easily.. haha

Whoa, spent the morning trying to get some physics into me.. did revision mostly.. haven't tackled the harder topics yet, so i expect more shit to come.. help me.. i miss mr. indra my sec sch phy teacher.. he's the crankiest teacher ever.. But remembered this once he was so pissed with someone who did something damn stupid during a test, he shouted "What the f*** are you doing here?" hmm, was that idiot's fault.. Wow, out of point. Anyway, din feel ike going out of the house today, dunnoe why.. Had a damn headache.. Real shit, think these headaches are coming back again.. it's like a series.. every morning.. it happened last hols too.. Absolutely don't know why.. maybe it's cuz i stuff my ears too much everyday with music and the thing's killing me.. nah, i'm tokking crap.. makes no sense.. wonder when i'm pick up bio.. haha

Whoa, sun's still up, think i'll go for a swim.. yeah....

Guess it's nobody's fault really.. why does this sounds so familiar.. arrgh, or maybe it's just all mine. forgive me.
Really amazing how can change so hmmm

Whoa, just hit me how damn bloody stupid and naive i've been all this time... Screw me lah.. Get a life man.. Really, feeling fricking dumb.. it's that unwelcome feeling again.. probably just me.

GET A MOVE ON!! no one will miss you..

You're alone.. the world's too fake.. Nothing is fucking what it seems.. All this time i've been deceiving myself.. Damn, really hate this weak feeling.. it's coming back.. Feeling real lonely.. like no one else in the world.. Shit, i'll rot at home.. need to get out!! Shit, help me, if u give a shit...

Hmm, should go for the sars concert thing at sentosa on sat, but really cant be bothered.. probably nothing much anyway yah.

Damn, while i was having physics todays, my sec 4 classmates were happyly astro-ing back in good old ri... damn.. have played there for how long liao.. miss it a lot.. Anyway, did PW after remedial.. decided to change topic.. haha, a little late but heck.. and we sort of agreed PW is more impt than common test, wth.. ha

Still pissed about the beckham transfer to real.. real shit, screw the pun.. Anyway, yeah pissed cuz of how man u dealt beind beckham's back. real shitty cuz he had been a loyal player to the club and always gave his best.. Damn, will miss his free-kicks and stuff aka right foot.. well, life goes on.. arrgh, it's ferguson's and the victoria's fault lah..

Oh yeah, finally completed Level 7 of bounce.. haha, was hard. but L8 looks even worse.. ha.

Yes, today's physics was hmm.. he said he was revising the important concepts.. aka hints? Well, will have to revise more.. And just realsied i haven't touched bio AT ALL.. other than moving them from my table.. yeah, will be happy to pass it.. In deep shit.. One more week to mug. Come on.

The hardest thing to do let it go

Whoa, the gurmit singh rap about sars is damn amusing.. "Sars is the virus that i just want to minus...."

Had to drag 3 freaking balls to training today in the mrt.. how sian.. and they fell on someone somemore.. ha. Was stoning in the mrt, then turned my head and it's amazing how many ppl are reading newspapers.. really, as in almost the whole view is full of newspapers.. streats, strait times, zao bao.. watever.. crap. Then on the way back, i had like the whole row to myself, except some guy at the other end.. and there're actually ppl standing around.. interesting.

Oh yeah, and today after training me ren cong julian raynor went pool at monster cue again.. real nice place to pool. i haven't lost a series there yet.. haha. And i realise how much i need to pool.. so long never play liao.. anytime man.. must more.. Anyway, was real hungry and tired(and blur) cuz not yet eat after training.. so went next door to eat. then guess wat, i was so blur i din pay for the chicken rice.. i realised when i was walking away.. then i was like heck lah.. then din pay.. ha, amusing.. sigh, degrading.. won't do that next time.. anyway, not many sellers are that blur.. still quite a strange feeling.. like i couldn't eat in peace.. ha was still hungry after eating but din dare to hang around any longer..

Was thinking of what to pick up just now.. and remembered that tomorrow got physics tutorial, which means got work to do.. arrgh, also realised that i don't know a lot of things about physics.. got a weak foundation in physics from the start.. now.. sigh, bad.

Was talking with the bballer about inter-fac games after common test.. and about basketball. sort of psyched-up now. haha, med fac will win anyway.. yeah.

Sometimes, i feel like i'm an ass.. i mean, sometimes i do stupid things and say stupid stuff.. and maybe piss ppl off.. yeah, but just wanna make it clear.. most of the time, or rather all the time, i don't mean any offence to anyone.. (or else i'll make it very obvious).. yeah, and apologies to anyone i might have offended before.. Don't know why i'm saying this.. to no one in particular really.. shit, i'm talking crap again.

Everytime it happens, i feel damn cheated, maybe betrayed.. but really, i have no right to feel this way.. shit, i'm crappy.. but i'll end up having this sick sense of emptiness in me..

Woke up this morning with a spliting headache.. but then i understand why.. cuz i can't clear my head.. yeah. Hate the pain, i'm going nowhere.. Oh yah, something out of point.. had a weird dream last night.. some crappy shit about pain..

Spent the whole of the day, and night juz now, staring at my chem notes.. until i couldn't take it and fell asleep.. i mean, there's only so much staring a person can do to notes.. still, glad that i can make some sense out of it.. tho hafta reread energetics, cuz fell asleep reading it.. arrgh, and still got all the tutorials nvr read yet.. And what's more, that's for one subject only.. sheesh, can't bear to think.. at least must show that i'm trying to study, so that my mum won't nag too much.. yeah, watever. It's all a show anyway.. everything.

Shit, i feel that i'm getting rusty at bball now.. haven't touched a ball for three days liao.. bad.. oh yeah, can't believe we'll be playing the J2s this sat.. quite cool actually.. hope we won't get whacked.. muz train.. cuz playing let's me forget my troubles, at least for that short period of time.. deceiving myself again.. no

There are so many contridictions
In all these messages we send
(We keep asking)
How do I get out of here
Where do I fit in?
Though the world is torn and shaken
Even if your heart is breakin'
It's waiting for you to awaken
And someday you will-
Learn to be still
Learn to be still

Shit, suddenly feeling lost.. dunnoe, maybe all the negative feelings, anger, sadness, loss, depression stress getting to me.. can't handle it..

I hate to be alone at home trying to mug unsuccessfully.. and it's gonna be like that for many days till sch.. Damn.
dunnoe, can't seem to concentrate on work.. no reason actually.. Damn.
I really don't know.. like i'm damn fricking lost.. absolutely hate this feeling.. Damn.

Oh think i fixed it liao? no?

Actually, i think this all white blog is quite cool.. will keep it this way until i get something done.. which is probably never..

I know it shouldn't, but it still hurts.. quite bad actually.. watever

I know when he's been on your mind
That distant look is in your eyes
I thought with time you'd realize
It's over, over
It's not the way I choose to live
And something somewhere's got to give
As sharing this relationship gets older, older

You know I'd fight for you
But how I can fight someone who isn't even there
I've had the rest of you now I want the best of you
I dont care if that's not fair

Cause I want it all
Or nothing at all
There's no where left to fall
When you reach the bottom it's now or never
Is it all
Or are we just friends
Is this how it ends
With a simple telephone call
You leave me here with nothing at all

There are times it seems to me
I'm sharing you with memories
I feel it in my heart
But I don't show it, show it
And then there's times you look at me
As though I'm all that you can see
Those times I don't believe it's right
I know it, know it

Don't make me promises
Baby you never did know how to keep them well
I've had the rest of you
Now I want the best of you
It's time for show and tell

Cause you and I
Could lose it all if you've got no more room
No room inside for me in your life
Cause I want it all
Or nothing at all
There's no where left to fall
It's now or never

After church on sunday went sab's haus.. stayed over.. was quite rox.. but yeah, sorry for being so ultra stone.. hmm, i know why.. but arrrgh. you should noe... malcolm's still in my head.. "you're not the boss of me now".. bah, was good tho. and must have been a record the numer of times i zhong for da number game.. haha.. Oh yeah, and i suck at DOA.. not surprising tho.. poor kid cannot play console games.. sigh.. crap, watever.. kinda miss her sisters' liveliness.. quite cool to have small kids around.. always full of energy, but sometimes too much i guess =) Actually caught some sleep last night.. woke up at like 7 though.. then couldn't sleep.. was looking at physics text.. interesting.. was too dark and raining so went to sleep again.. ha Was so shagged when i reached home i slept for 3 hours.. din thought i was that tired.. watever. End up trying to file my stuff the whole night.. and did nothing.. damn bad. i feel like i'm in deep shit.. HOW???? shit.